Charis welcomes Stefani Goerlich in conversation with Sherrod DeGrippo for a discussion of With Sprinkles on Top: Everything Vanilla People and Their Kinky Partners Need to Know to Communicate, Explore, and Connect, a sex therapist’s playful, affirming, and informative guide to exploring desire differences between kinky and nonkinky, or “vanilla,” partners.
With Sprinkles on Top offers a positive and empowering resource for talking about and working through sexual differences—particularly between kinky and vanilla partners. With more than 80 percent of adult couples in the US reporting desire discrepancies between partners, and many people holding fantasies they don’t feel comfortable sharing, With Sprinkles on Top offers much-needed support. As Dr. Stefani Goerlich makes clear—vanilla can be delicious… and so can kink! Focusing on communication and connection, this guide helps you find the sprinkles that can enhance your relationship.
With empathy and understanding, Dr. Goerlich addresses hopes and fears on both sides of a desire divide and provides shame-free guidance for relationships of different shapes and orientations. Here you’ll find:
• Helpful information about BDSM and kink—what it is, its effects on relationships, what a partner’s interest might imply… or not!
• Worksheets and questionnaires to help each partner explore their desires, what turns them on, when they might feel open to experimentation, and how to talk about it
• Setting boundaries—tips for feeling safe and drawing the line with care
• Guidance for staying true to yourself, satisfying your partner, and finding new delights together
• Insights and guidance on what “normal” and “kinky” actually mean, bringing imagination into the bedroom, polyamorous possibilities, and much more
As Dr. Goerlich writes, “The vanilla people that I work with tell me that they want relationships built on mutual love, respect, understanding, gentleness, and trust. Funnily enough, the kinky people I work with tell me the same thing… just that they want the ‘gentleness’ aspect to be negotiable.” With Sprinkles on Top affirms that vanilla and kinky people can thrive together—and offers practical solutions for protecting, preserving, and strengthening your relationship.
Award-winning author Stefani Goerlich has been called one of the world's leading experts in working with Gender, Relationship, and Sexually Diverse folks- particularly those who identify as kinky. She literally wrote the book on kink-affirming mental health care and is a highly sought after public speaker and educator. An AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist and Board Certified Sexology Diplomate, Stefani has worked with high-risk young people, commercial sex workers, and survivors of human trafficking. Licensed in Michigan, Ohio, Arizona, and Florida, she currently runs a boutique private practice in Metro Detroit where she offers Sex, Relationship and Mental Health therapy to members of the GSRD community, their partners, and their families. Stefani's insights into the lives and health of erotic minorities have been featured in media ranging from the BBC and The New Yorker to Teen Vogue and Cosmopolitan.
Stefani earned a Masters in Social Work from Wayne State University, where she specialized in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, completed her Post-Graduate Certificate in Sex Therapy at the University of Michigan (where she is on the teaching faculty of the Sexual Health Certificate Program) and holds a PhD in Clinical Sexology. She is the co-founder and co-host of Securing Sexuality, a podcast and conference focusing on educating therapists and everyday listeners about issues at the intersection of intimacy and technology.
Sherrod DeGrippo is a prominent figure in the cybersecurity community and her work has overlap with sextech and digital safety for couples. Sherrod is Director of Threat Intelligence Strategy at Microsoft. She was selected as Cybersecurity woman of the year in 2022 and Cybersecurity PR Spokesperson of the year for 2021. Previously, she was VP of Threat Research and Detection at Proofpoint, where she led a global team of threat researchers, malware reverse engineers and threat intelligence analysts. Her career in cybersecurity spans 19 years with prior roles including leading Red Team Services at Nexum, senior solutions engineer for Symantec, senior security consultant for Secureworks, and senior network security analyst for the National Nuclear Security Administration (NNSA).
She is a frequently cited threat intelligence expert in media including televised appearances on the BBC news, and commentary in the Wall Street Journal, CNN, New York Times, and more. Having presented at Black Hat, RSA conference, RMISC, BrunchCon, and others, Sherrod is a well known public speaker and a bon vivant who advocates for living life to the fullest. In her personal time, Sherrod spends time with her rescue dog Boris Karloff.
This event is free and open to all people, especially to those who have no income or low income right now, but we encourage and appreciate a solidarity donation in support of the work of Charis Circle, our programming non-profit. Charis Circle's mission is to foster sustainable feminist communities, work for social justice, and encourage the expression of diverse and marginalized voices. https://donatenow.networkforgood.org/CharisCircle?code=chariscirclepage
In-person event guidelines:
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We will begin seating people at 7:00 PM ET.
This event will be live-streamed via crowdcast. Click here to register to attend virtually.
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